Therapy for Relationships
Therapy for women who keep putting everyone else first
Therapy for women working through people pleasing, boundary struggles, the end of a long relationship, the unfamiliar territory of dating again or the patterns that keep showing up no matter who you're with.
You may recognize yourself in this
You've been doing the work of holding everything together. It's catching up with you.
You've spent years showing up. For your partner, your parents, your kids, your friends, your work.
And lately, something underneath is starting to crack.
You say yes when you mean no - and feel the resentment set in before the conversation is even over.
You know exactly where your boundaries should be, and watch yourself give them up anyway.
A relationship ended, or is ending, and you're somewhere between relieved, shattered, and unsure what comes next.
You're thinking about dating again after a long chapter - and don't quite recognize the territory anymore.
The same dynamic keeps finding you. New people, same role, same exhaustion.
You've spent years tending to everyone else's emotional weather. You're starting to wonder what your own actually feels like.
Why this is so hard to shift on your own
The patterns we develop in relationships didn't come from nowhere. They came from somewhere they once made sense.
Somewhere early on, you learned how to do relationships. You learned what kept you safe, what kept you connected, what kept the people you loved from pulling away. Maybe you learned to be the easy one. Maybe you learned to manage everyone's feelings. Maybe you learned to hold yourself together so others wouldn't have to.
Those instincts weren't wrong. They protected a younger version of you who needed them.
The problem is that they're still running the show — in your marriage, with your parents, at work, with your adult children, in friendships that have quietly become one-sided, in the relationship that just ended, in the dating profile you can't quite bring yourself to fill out.
That's what we work with in therapy. Not the version of you that's failing at this. The version of you that's been working too hard at it for too long.
How This Might Show Up For You
People pleasing & boundaries: when giving more stopped working
If you've spent your life being the easy one, the responsible one, the one who doesn't make waves - you know the cost. Resentment, exhaustion, the strange feeling of being everywhere except inside yourself. We work with the part of you that learned to manage everyone else, and we listen for what it's been trying to protect. We also pay close attention to where boundaries fall apart - and what makes them feel impossible to hold even when you know exactly where they should be.
Patterns that keep playing out: when the same dynamic keeps finding you
New relationship, new partner, new job, new friend group - same role, same exhaustion, same outcome. If you've ever caught yourself thinking 'why does this keep happening to me' - the answer is rarely just about the other person. We work with the parts of you that keep stepping into familiar dynamics, look at what they're seeking, and create space to choose differently.
Endings & beginnings: when a relationship ends - or you're imagining what comes next
Whether you're in the middle of a divorce, recently single after years of partnership, or starting to think about dating again after a long chapter - this is unfamiliar territory. You're asking different questions now. Who am I outside of this? What do I actually want? What kind of connection feels true to who I'm becoming? We make space for the grief, for the parts that aren't sure they're ready, and for the slow process of meeting yourself again.
What clients notice over time
You don't need to become someone else.
You just need to come home to the person underneath all the managing.
Clients often describe:
Saying no without the spiral of guilt afterward
Holding boundaries you used to give up at the first sign of resistance
Recognizing patterns earlier - and having more choice about what to do with them
Moving through grief or the end of a relationship without losing yourself in it
Approaching dating, or any new connection, from curiosity instead of self-abandonment
Feeling less responsible for everyone else's emotions
Trusting yourself to know what you want - and believing it's okay to want it
Individual work alongside
couples counseling
Many of my clients are referred by couples therapists who notice that some of what's surfacing in the relationship actually needs individual attention. If your couples therapist has suggested you explore your own patterns on the side - or if you've sensed it yourself - this is the kind of work we can do together.
Having your own space to understand your reactions, your history, and your needs takes pressure off the relationship and helps your couples work go deeper.
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist #122200
In-Person in Palo Alto - Virtual throughout California
A therapist who won't rush you, judge you or tell you who to be.
I'm Lissa Dutton, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in Palo Alto, serving women in-person and virtually throughout California.
My training includes Internal Family Systems (IFS Level One), Somatic IFS, and polyvagal theory. I also hold an MBA and spent years in professional and organizational settings - which helps me understand the particular pressure women in high-demand roles carry into their relationships.
Clients often describe me as collaborative and steady. I value creating a space where you don't have to perform, defend yourself, or have everything figured out.
Questions you might be sitting with
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There's overlap. People pleasing, fawning, and codependent patterns often share the same roots - a learned instinct to prioritize others' comfort over your own. We don't get hung up on the label. We pay attention to how the pattern shows up in your life and what it's been protecting.
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It can. Returning to dating after years of partnership often surfaces parts of you that have been quiet for a long time - some excited, some afraid, some unsure they want any of this. We make space for all of them, and we work on the patterns you don't want to carry into the next chapter.
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Yes, and many of my clients do. Individual work can complement couples therapy well, giving you space to explore your own patterns without needing to process them in front of your partner.
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It depends on the pattern and how long it's been with you. These are usually long-standing ways of being, so the work tends to be longer-term - but meaningful shifts often show up within the first few months.
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I do not accept insurance but I'm happy to provide a monthly superbill you can submit for potential out-of-network reimbursement.
Many PPO plans cover a portion of therapy costs - it's worth a quick call to your insurance to ask about your out-of-network mental health benefits before we begin.
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My practice is focused on individual therapy for women 18 and up. If you're looking for couples work or therapy for men, I'm happy to offer referrals.
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IFS (Internal Family Systems) helps you get to know the different parts of yourself - the part that people-pleases, the part that's exhausted by it, the part underneath that's been protected all along. Somatic IFS adds the body into that work, using breath, awareness, and gentle attention to physical sensation to help you feel - not just understand - what's happening beneath the surface.
The patterns that feel hardest to change often started as a way to keep you safe. When we understand where they came from, something begins to soften.
The next chapter of your relationships - including the one with yourself - starts here.
A free 15-minute consultation - no pressure, no commitment. Just a conversation to see if working together feels like the right fit.
In-person in Palo Alto · Virtual sessions throughout California